Wednesday, May 10, 2006

"You know this sonofabitch is seven centuries old. He sleeps in a box somewhere filled with dirt from Rumania."
- Mike Malloy last night
Air America Radio
Malloy needs to be quoted at LEAST once a day outside of listening to his show. After hearing him make the above statement last night regarding that bloodsucking vampire Rumsfeld, I nearly fell outta bed laughing. But it's not funny. Donald Rumsfeld IS evil. You can see it when he smiles. The smile never reaches his eyes. Next time you catch him making some senseless, babbling speech on C-Span, test my theory. The smile.. never.. reaches.. his.. eyes. It stops dead at his mouth, as if there is some steel barrier between his facial expressions and his soul. I'm sure there is. It's called EVIL. (This "smile" theory can be tested on serial killers and plain old street level psychos also. Works every time. Dead giveaway that you're dealing with a sociopath.) Rumsfeld is a 700 year old bloodsucking freak. And the only way to rid the world of a vampire is to drive a stake through it's black heart. Any takers? I'll help fashion the stakes. Only problem, we don't know where the bloodsuckers coffin is stored. My best guess is somewhere at Faux News headquarters. But entering that den of vileness and filth is simply too terrifying, even for the bravest vampire hunter.