Tuesday, April 25, 2006

THE ANSWER?
I can't drive.......FIFTY FIVE!!
- Sammy Hagar
That bad ass crotch rocket pictured above is the new Yamaha R6. I went and test drove one today at a dealership down the street from the Bunker. I guarantee you that bitch could do a smooth 100mph is first gear. Which is why I'm thinking twice about purchasing one. I'm quite sure I would die within a month or two (maybe even days) after purchasing that monster. It's simply an engine with a place for your ass. I popped it into first gear and literally TOOK...OFF. That sonic boom heard throughout the country around 2:00pm was me, hurtling through traffic at breakneck speed. I was like a missle streaking down the road. A yellow and black missle with a human being (me) hanging on for dear life. My greatest fear was accidentally punching the front brake thus sending my body rocketing into the atmosphere. It was a total adrenalin rush (I can see why people get obsessed with driving them) but the raw power of that machine was ridiculous. And it's only a 600cc! I can't even imagine the larger 1000cc! When I returned from blasting up and down the road, they asked me if I wanted to test drive the 1000 but I said NO. NO NO NO NO NO. NO WAY. HELL NO. They laughed. I didn't.
Along with the R6 I also checked out a couple of cruisers and a scooter (Vespa.) But NOTHING I drove was as thrilling as that R6! The cruiser was nice, and the seat was super comfy (it was also much lower to the ground) and it was all chromed out. I felt a bit like a pimp sitting there idiling in traffic, this massive chrome monster purring beneath me. I felt a strong desire to slap some ho's around and carry a large gold goblet. The Vespa was too slow and there is no way you could drive one on a major highway (top speed was only around 50mph.) If I did purchase a cruiser, I would ALSO have to buy one of those vintage WWI German Army helmets with the spike on top of it. Me, my cruiser, the helmet and a rifle slung over my shoulder. And I'm off to the revolution.
I haven't made up my mind yet, but the rapidly rising price of gas is adding to my desperate search for an alternative form of transportation. I'm just not sure that a rocket strapped between my legs is the answer. Hey, isn't that outlawed in some southern state?