Monday, March 06, 2006

Coming to terms with my
"Communism"
Mother Russia rain down down down
- Sisters of Mercy
So I guess I'm a communist. I mean, I've been told I'm a communist so many times that maybe I really am. I'm thinking about purchasing one of those bright red CCCP warmup jackets from Ebay. I mean if the shoe fits, right? The only word the reich seems to know in describing those sane minded individuals, such as myself, who understand what is happening to this country is "communist." Or "socialist." They use the two words interchangeably. I suppose it's whichever one pops into their washed brain first.
Just the other day a lady told me I was a communist. Well, to be exact she screamed "communist" at me while I was bent over taking it in the ass at the gas station (why am I paying $2.83 for regular?!). Boy did that one hurt. I wanted to curl up in a ball of shared communal wealth and quiver. I nearly wet my pants. What a stinging insult! Only thing is, there are two problems with her "insult." One, I am not a communist (I don't believe in it and I don't believe it works) and two, she doesn't know what a communist is. None of them do. It's a word they were taught by their reich-wing mentors on talk radio and they now toss it out there whenever they feel it necessary to "insult" someone who doesn't believe that George W. Bu$h is the savior of all hummanity. I briefly thought of filing my mouth up with gasoline, grabbing a lighter off my front seat and blowing a stream of fire in her face. As I was tilting back my head to start pouring in the gas, I saw out the corner of my eye the faces of my dogs in the car window and decided they needn't die in a firey explosion. So I stood there, fantasizing what a republican on fire would look like. Oh to dream.....
Next time one of these reich freaks calls you a communist or a socialist, ask them to describe either word. You'll get the same answer I always get. Someone will call me a communist when they see my GEORGE BU$H IS A LYING ASSHOLE bumpersticker and they'll scream "COMMUNIST!" I always respond with "Do you even know what a communist is?" And the answer is ALWAYS the same...."Yeah. YOU!" No, thats not an answer. I'm sorry if Limbaugh (drug addict) and Hannity taught you a big word but didn't define it for you. "No, describe what a communist is" is usually my next sentence. And to this I usually get the response "Some LIBERAL like YOU who wants to see America destroyed and wants the terrorists to win." Ok, that is not an answer either. "You really don't know what a communist is. You have no clue, do you?" This is usually where the "conversation" ends (or descends into a stream of unintelligable curse words from the idiot on the other side of the gas pump) cuz as we all know, these reich freaks can ONLY speak in "talking points" and if they haven't been told what to say, they can't answer. So they'll jump in their car, scream some supposed insult in my general commie direction and pull out as fast as they can (cuz that's cool), squealing their tires. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I'll get the finger. These reich-wingers are tough, I'll tell ya. Tough and sexy. Nothing makes my loins ache more than some prick in an oversized SUV who can squeal their tires and nearly smash into someone else while pulling out of a gas station. God that's hot.
To facilitate the reich's learning process I will define the term "Communism." According to Wikipedia, communism "refers to a conjectured future classless, stateless social organization based upon common ownership of the means of production, and can be classified as a multivariant branch of the broader socialist movement. Communism also refers to a variety of political movements which claim the establishment of such a social organization as their ultimate goal." So memorize that, please, and use it in its proper context. Screaming "Communist" at every liberal/non-Bu$h supporter is NOT the right context. Plus, when have you ever heard me spout off any communist ideology? You haven't. Maybe you guys could even try coming up with a NEW insult but this time make it something that actually FITS. Something like "Bu$h hater!" (I am), "Concerned Citizen!" (I am) or "environmentalist!"( I am that, too) or maybe even "AMERICAN!" You'd think with all those Harvard and Yale degrees you reich-wingers claim to hold that a lowly State College asshole such as myself wouldn't need to spell such things out for you. I'm still gonna buy that jacket though, communist or not.