Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The War on CHRISTmas
Part II
I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors, but I think that god's got a sick sense of humor and when I die, I expect to find him laughing
- Depeche Mode
The War on Christmas continues to rage (on Faux News, at least). Jerry Falwell and 24,000 of his most brainwashed psychopathic jesus freaks are making their own frontal assault on all retail outlets that dare not utter the words "Merry Christmas" at the sales counter. The phrase "Happy holidays" is a personal affront to these christ obsessed maniacs. Apparently, if they go out "christmas" shopping and aren't told "merry christmas" everytime they hand over their credit card or cash for whatever worthless expenditure, they do not feel complete. It's become blasphemy.
Personally, I don't give a flying fuck WHAT someone says to me as long as I get the transaction completed with as little hassle as possible so I can get the hell outta the mall and away from the sweating, hyperventilating, cell phone squawking, uber-excited "christmas shoppers." And the twelve year olds in half shirts and low rise jeans. Who told a girl with no hips, no breasts and no figure WHAT SO EVER they looked even remotely attractive like that? It's comparative to putting a "Princess" t-shirt and a pair of Bubblegum jeans on a light pole. All that's missing with the light pole is the hair.
When I hand over my hard earned cash at the mall or at whatever store I'm in, if I'm not immediately greeted by a high pitched, all smiles "Merry Christmas!!!" I do not give a fuck. I don't care if they want to wish me happy holidays, happy hannukah, happy kwanza, merry Ramadan. Whatever. Tell me to fuck off for all I care. As long as I have my item and the right change, I'm good to go.
The much discussed and over reported "War on Christmas" is nothing more than an attempt by Faux News (a propaganda outfit for this administration. Anyone who doesn't know that is a fool. I wouldn't be surprised if they were wholly funded by the RNC) to take the focus off of the mess they've gotten us into in Iraq and focus it on something utterly ridiculous and inconsequential. As long as we're sitting in front of our televisions with rapt attention being paid to the "War on Christmas' " death count, then the deaths of more and more Americans soldiers and Iraqi civilians can continue unabated.
You stupid American asshole. You're as pathetic as those undeveloped twelve years olds sashaying through every mall in every town in America. Trying to draw attention to something that isn't there. Do you think those poor soldiers celebrating christmas in such wretched conditions give two SHITS whether or not some teenage clerk at a Wal-Mart said "merry christmas" or "happy holidays" to you?? As mortars are falling from the sky and blowing body parts off their buddies, as they desperately attempt to dig deeper into the earth to avoid being cut to pieces by machine gun fire, do you think this "huge concern" of yours is weighing heavy on their minds? As their unarmored Humvee rolls over an IED and the vehicle is tossed 10 feet in the air, flips and catches on fire, on the way down (if they're still alive) are they worrying whether we here, sitting safely at home, are being properly greeted at the end of every purchase????? Please tell me this is a joke. I have to wake up one of these days, don't I? I'm in my own form of hell.